Jokes About Lawn Bowls

A selection of jokes about lawn bowls. Cartoons and stories to brighten up your day.

A Selectors Prayer

Blessed are they who can play sport

Blessed are they who can still be taught

Blessed are they who accept with grace

To play in any selected place

Nobody’s Darling

Up and down, walking walking,

Often measuring, sometimes chalking;

Shifting mats – keeping score,

thirty ends, maybe more;

Aching back – tired of limb,

Cheers for others, none for him,

Night draws on, darker, darker,

No one cares for he’s the marker!

Selectors in Heaven

Three bowlers stood at the pearly gates,

Their faces were sad and old.

They humbly asked the man at the gate,

Admission to the fold.

“What have you done?”, St. Peter said,

“To gain admission here”.

“Selectors sir, we have been

For many a weary year”.

The gates of Heaven flew open wide,

As St. Peter pressed the bell.

“Come in at once and take a harp,

You’ve had enough of hell!”

The Bowlers’ own language – how to translate

“Good weight!” = lousy line

“Good line” = lousy weight

“Good back bowl” = you were lucky you didn’t put it in the ditch

“That’s in their way” = that’s in my way

“That could be useful up there” = that bowl is closer to you than it is to the jack

“Get it next time” = you sure didn’t get it this time

“He’s surprisingly good” = you’re surprised he ever makes a shot

“I’d bowl with him any day” = he always buys the first round